Talk:Kick/@comment-5621386-20130122011624

You have full permission to look over this rant. But if you do read it, can you please please please give advice? Cause my world is shattering.

I'm really sick of my parents' attitude. I got a 94% on an economics test, and they're mad at me for THAT. I asked why, and they said I have to get 100 on everything. Do you know how hard that test was, and how almost everyone failed, and my grade was the highest? My grandparents aren't better. They're always saying I should be "the best of the best". That I should get over 100. And I'm confused, cause I'm all HOW THE HELL DO YOU DO THAT?! And I just want to relax a bit, and hang out with my second family to get away from school after school. And my parents are trying to take away that too. They keep saying how I'm a shameless idiot, and I'm so immature compared to my friends. I should be studying. And when I do study, they say that all I ever do is sit inside, coped up and study. That it's no wonder that I don't have many friends. It is true that I don't have many friends, but it's because I'm very shy, and I pick out some close friends rather than a bunch of useless ones that would stab me in the back later. I usually block it out, but then they say that I should go outside more, get some fresh air. And that all my friends always go out with their friends whenever asked, but I always put up a fight. That I should be more like them.

I was so sick of it, and I decided to give my parents the silent treatment. Unluckily for me, there's no one else in the house, so I didn't have anyone to talk to. My laptop was charging, so I couldn't use it. In the end, I was just sitting there, talking to myself. My parents then asked me why I wasn't watching the presidential inaugeration wth them, but I said nothing at all. And then they said that I don't need to be informed. That everyone in my school knew what was happening, and I, like a moron, sat there like a bumbling idiot with no awareness to the world around me. Again, silence. Eventually, my dad left the house, so it was just me and my mom. By this time, the silent treatment was hurting me more than it was hurting them, but I kept telling myself to keep my eyes on the prize. My mom then left the house without telling me, and just left some food on the table.

Now, my parents don't think I'm responsible enough to take care of myself, even though I have proved to them time and time again that I can. I once even stopped a fire in our building (that did happen to be in another apartment) when I was staying home alone. But still, no trust for some reason. And now, suddenly both my parents were gone. So that gave me enough time to cry and let it all out. I had a bit of a tantrum. I mean, who wouldn't after not speaking to anyone all day? I had barely muttered a word (except when I called myself an idiot when I accidently cut myself while making a sandwich. But that is another story for another time). I even considered sneaking out while they were gone, just to give them like a five minute scare or something, and because I felt like I needed it, but I decided against it (mainly cause it was getting dark). When my mom came home, she apologized and hugged me, but she STILL isn't happy with my grade. My dad is talking to me, even though he never properly apologized.

Anyway, while I was alone, I got to think for a little while. Do you guys remember the time a few months ago, around Novemeber, my friend's mom completely humiliated me? Well, my mind kept wandering back to that for some reason. And, I remembered that my friends knew I was right, but they didn't support me. They just stood there quietly. And when I asked them why, they told me because they were afraid they might get a reputation for bad mouthing adults if they did. And I completely blew up, saying that their stupid image was more important than their friend. I regret nothing.

I don't know, I usually don't care about opinions. But to my parents, it means everything. "You must be great at everything, pretty, and smart, or else no one will like you." And to hear my parents say that I'm not, well it hurts. I try everything to be that perfect daughter but nothing ever comes out of it. In the end, I just be myself. I give up on pretending, but my parents then say "No one likes a quitter. Don't quit. It will get you nowhere."

Do I have full permission to cry? To crumble to the ground, hope that someone will take me in their arms even though I know no one will?

My life is a mess. I'm considering to stop talking to almost everyone around me for a while, except some select people. I know I will never commit suicide, but stopping any contact might be good, at least so I can figure out who I am. Really.