Talk:Kick/@comment-5750239-20140209212541

Look guys, I've got a lot of feedback, and yes you do know some things about me, but I'm gonna give you boatload of info right now, If you care, you'll read it, otherwise, i don't know

This is something I made a few days ago

They don't know that I'm always questioning how good a singing I am, they don't know that I enjoy walking on my hands (i do it terribly) or that I have sudden urges to do cartwheels, they don't know that I love dancing randomly to mash-ups in my room-but I must make sure no one sees me, they don't know that I procrastinate my school work so that I end up doing it at 12am or later, they don't know that my mom has to practically drag me out of bed each morning to go to school and that I miss the bus so frequently that I have to be driven in, they don't know that I hate that my sister holds her grades over me and I feel it without her saying a word, they don't know that I'm fed up with her because I've been trying to spend time with her since I was two- but she never makes the time for me, they don't know that she literally pushed me around when I was 3 or younger, they don't know that my dad abuses me- mainly verbally- but there were times he even strangled me, they don't know that my dad finds whatever thing is helping get me through the day and decides to take it away from me indirectly, they don't know that my mom has been sick since I was in kindergarden and that she barely has enough energy to get through the day- yet she still functions as a normal mom, they don't know that my grandmother on my dad's side thinks I'm a waste of space, they don't know that I go to school each day and I embarrass myself 5 times a day naturally, they don't know how much it hurts when a teacher says pick a partner and everyone can find one except me, they don't know that I read kick fanfics to an extreme extent because I want to believe in love, they don't know that I day dream myself falling for a guy only to break my own heart and I cry to myself every time, they don't know that I'm not joking when I say forever alone- I truly believe that no one out there could ever love me, they don't know that I try to distract myself with things only for them to shrivel up in my hands only getting me more depressed, they don't know that I'm the person that has to support my mom as she goes through the day, they don't know that I always believe that every friend I ever make will eventually reject me because I'm too different and weird and that I'm not afraid to do the wrong thing by society's standpoint, they don't know that I hate my "friend" group, they don't know that even if I wanted to change lunch tables I couldn't because my lunchroom is full to the brim, they don't know that I know my self as overweight and even when I try to cut down I always end up eating too much, they don't know that I may write from time to time- but it's hard for me to keep going when I have zero encouragement, they don't know that I spend most my time outside of school in my dark bedroom on the computer, they don't know that my grades are slipping ever so slowly because I'm getting more and more depressed, they don't know that I haven't had a comforting hug since 5 years ago, they don't know that I have no one who has ever told me that I'm fine exactly the way I am and that I don't have to change anything about myself at all, they don't know how much it hurts to see people become closer friends with someone I have know for years, they don't know that I have tears in my eyes as I write this, they don't know that I so desperately want to try snowboarding, skiing, surfing, and skateboarding just because it's the few things I haven't tried yet, they don't know that it hurts me to no end not having anyone that would just hug me when I'm sad, they don't know that I hate pity and when people tell to just do something and it'll all go away, they don't know that I'm dreading my school chorus' trip to Disney World because everyone will be doing things with friends and I'll be aimlessly enjoying nothing, they don't know that I hate the fact that I have acne coving my face, they don't know that I'm giving up hope in every area practically, they don't know that I want to stop doing everything period because I have zero motivation anymore, they don't know that I REALLY don't want to grow up to be an old maid and to just go to work every day of my life, they don't know that I find make-up incredibly stupid (besides for coverup), they don't know that I believe that no one will ever care or love me enough (or at all) to help or try to fix me, they don't know that it hurts me seeing them go through life everyday enjoying different things when every single thing I just said is constantly swirling around my head, they don't know that I have to put up a facade every second of my life besides for my alone time, they don't know that I want to be happy- but even a sunny day with a clear sky no longer cheers me up, they don't know that every second I pretend to be okay just hurts me more, they don't know that every time I tell a person I'm okay I so desperately want them to tell me that I'm not and to insist on helping me, they don't know that all I long for is for someone to actually show me love- something I get so little of, they don't know that while their life moves on- mine's at a standstill in a sea of gray

​ And that's why it hurts so much

if you read it, you'll know